Name: Zach, Defender of Justice

Email:

Zach descended to the material realm in a plum garden in a Mayan Taoist monastery. The monks received him as a good omen and named him Xuarrrgh, which is Mayan Taoist for "I have a chicken bone stuck in my throat." After a great and bloody tragedy known only as "The Spork Wars", Xuarrrgh was taken by looters and sold to the Smithsonian Institution of Natural History, where he was renamed "Zach" because it's easier to engrave onto a plaque. When the Smithsonian realized that Xuarrrgh wasn't natural or historical, they sold him to the Van Gogh Museum. When the Van Gogh Museum realized he wasn't made by Van Gogh, they cut off his ears* and left him in a cardboard box, alone and friendless on a dark and rainy alley.

On extra rainy days, they let him in once and while, and he uses the secretary's computer to update a website when no one's looking. Suckers!