For centuries, the world was at peace and without evil. Then this evil guy just appeared. Don't ask questions. No. Shut up.

This evil guy, who went by the name of Mr. Not Evil, gave the powerful Blings to the rulers of the kingdoms. Three were given to the elves, who were suckers for power. Six and two fifths were given to the dwarves, who were suckers for shiny things. Seven were given to the humans, but they ended up with nine because they took two from the dwarves, who were too short to reach them.

Unfortunately, Mr. Not Evil kept the Bling of Trousers for himself, and with it summoned a Bill Clinton to terrorize those who held the Blings. This created a war that lasted about ten seconds, because even a Clinton is not immune to Airborne, the little-known yet soon-to-be famous punk rocker. Airborne played an electric guitar so badly that Clinton voluntarily Darned himself to Heck and G the Mostly Black, who was helping in the fight against Clinton, had to teleport to Hobbitsville to escape.

So this guy walked into a bar, That guy was Mr. Not Evil and as he was knocked unconscious by the bar, he dropped his Bling and dissolved into a pile of Count Chocula cereal. The Bling was picked up by Golem, but since Golem was made of stone, he couldn't move and the Bling was passed to Bubba Piggins, who took it back to Hobbitsville because he forgot his glasses there.

Hobbitsville is a humble town ruled by whoever has the hairiest feet. The place doesn't have very many houses or streets, but you don't need any of these things when you have an alley to share with your family and friends and friends' families and sloths and potato farmers and unemployed clowns. Yes indeed, Hobbitsville is the ghetto capital of Eastern But Not Really Eastern, More To The South Uth. Hobbitsville is where you come if you wanna chill with your homies, blow weed rings with your hood rats, and throw tomatoes at unemployed clowns. There are also stands where you can buy magazines, coke (both kinds), and stuff that makes your foot hair grow. The ruler of Hobbitsville, who used to look a lot like Rudy Guliani, can't say anything because the foot hair gets in his mouth.

Bubba Piggins finally found his hobbit alley in the Upper Left West Side. His nephew Frobro Piggins and wannabe pimp Sam da Wize were sitting there packaging "the goods" to be sold, and Me'y was asleep in the box.

Bubba pimp-slapped Frobro and said, "Foo, I tode you not't touch my goods while I'ze gone. You seen my glasses?

Frobro replied, "Ye-uh, we used one lens to fry ants an' we used the wire to poke eachother. Yo, Me'y, get Bubba's lenses fo us." Frobro threw a lens at Me'y to wake him up.

Me'y woke up with a snort and dug around in his pockets, after a while pulling out some pieces of crushed glass, the whole time ,uttering threats in ghetto-language.

Bubba made an interesting suggestion with his hand at Me'y, and Sam da Wize yelled out, "Dawg, you blingin! Where you get dat pimp watch!?"

"Dawg, that ain't none yo biznuss," Bubba said. "You best give me mah lens fo I bleed you." Me'y threw the lens and the broken pieces at Bubba. "An' don't you neva touch my glasses 'gain."

"You gotta lat me hold that bling, yo," Sam said, and he used his Skillz to get The Bling off Bubba's sleeve and on his own wrist. Immediately he started glowing neon orange, purple, and green, and disco funk music could be heard playing somewhere. "Ain't I bling-blingin' now?"

Everyone stared at Sam, who was completely unaware of what just happened. Finally Me'y yelled, "Dawg, you so pimped out, you like a disco god!"

"Disco's dead," Bubba muttered, still sour about having his bling stolen.

"Foo, disco ain't dead!" Frobro screamed at Bubba, his fro quivering with rage. "Disco's da hottest thing to hit our 'hood since soft jazz! I bust you up so bad..."

A sulphurous cloud appeared and with it G the Mostly Black. "Why you all playa' hatin on each other fo? Don't you know nothin' 'bout that bling yo wearin'? Take that off, boy!" G took pinched at the air and grabbed some of Sam's hair, which he mixed with some ingredients from his voodo witch doctor's robe and loincloth. He chanted some voodoo words, then threw the potion down and took The Bling from Sam's wrist with his Skillz.

"You wear this bling and start pimpin," Sam da Wize said as he leaned forward with interest. "But this is like the dark side of pimpin. You know what this bling say on it?"

Bubba walked over to it and, after examining it with his lens, said, "Why you askin' me? You know I can't read, dawg."

"It say, 'One Bling to Fool Them All'. My voodoo powaz tell me dat dis is the One Bling, da source of all evil. An we wizuds need yo help destroyin' it."

"Sorry dawg, but we don't got a hammer," Me'y explained.

"If it was that easy we'd get someone else to do it," G said. "You gotta go to Morfor and destroy this here Bling of Power in the Kiddie Arts N' Krafts Station where it wuz made. And don't you let no one tell you no othawize."

"Why don't you just do it, homey G?" Bubba asked.

"Quit actin' so white," G countered. "You three young hobbits gotta do this yo-sevs. Bubba needs to stay behind and guard the sash."

"But I wanna hold da Bling! I found it!" Bubba whined.

"Yo addicted to too much stuff already. Frobro, you hold da Bling. Just don't wear it! And take this map. You can't read it, but it might help you." Frobro stuffed them in his fro. "Y'all best hurry, Frobro. They say the cops are after The Bling."

"The cops!?" everyone else yelled.

"Ye-uh. Git goin, son!" G said as he pushed Frobro east, towards the lands of Morfor where the shadows are perfectly normal if not just a little more abundant.