At the time I was experienceing the Boohbah experience (as I related earlier), I did not know what the Boohbahs were, where they came from, how they planned to best serve their evil overlord, or even who their evil overlord was. "But where should I start?" I wondered.

I knew where to start. I just did what any God-fearing American would do. Since the url was http://www.boohbah.com/zone.html, I backed up to the index page.

"Well, well," I thought. "This page doesn't even mention Boohbahs! The guy who runs this page must be too ashamed of them to mention them!" There are only a couple of things on this page, including and limited to: this dude's résumé, and some years-old widely syndicated comic strips. The latest ones are from 2001. Did this "Clay" person make Boohbahs years ago and then leave them to their lonely fate? How cruel! A pox upon this "Clay" person and all "Clay" people!

It was about then that the metaphorical lightbulb came on in above my head, and I saw that I went to the wrong page. I was probing boobah.com when I should have been at boohbah.com! It reminds me of the time in fourth grade when I was supposed to do a report on Australia but I ended up doing one Austria. Except that ever happened. Blast.

Boohbah.com, or alternately, Boohbah.tv, then. They do indeed seem to be a television show. A British one, nonetheless. Oh, the things British children have to put up with these days! Hardening my heart, I clicked on "Parent Information".

Ye gods... we've got a media empire on our hands here! This is some really frightening stuff. Quoth the Parent Information:

Boohbah is an exciting new programme for children, with a format that fosters both creative thinking and creative movement... It deliberately combines infectious magical movement, for children to imitate, with inset stories for them to predict outcomes.

Here's the sentence I left out:

Boohbah is entirely designed to encourage physical action on the part of its young viewers.

Think of it what you will, but this is important later as the plot thickens.

This page gets worse, much worse. It goes on to suggest safety tips for kids on the web. Among them are: Always supervise your child (always), don't let your child stay online too long (that would mean less time for you to look at naughty pictures), and the big one:

Remind your child to always tell you about anything they don’t like, are afraid of, that scares them or makes them uneasy.

Scares them or makes them uneasy?! From what I've seen so far, the sole purpose of the Boohbahs is to make your child scared and uneasy! Right? Eh? Yeah?

We're almost to the heart of the problem now. At the very bottom of the page, in the "Merchandise" section, it links to the corporate empire's website: http://www.ragdoll.co.uk. "Fools rush in where angels fear to tread," but I had a duty to do. For my people. I had to click the link.

A flash menu. Doesn't seem so bad...	Nooo! Quick! Kill them! Kill them dead!

The same company that made Teletubbies made Boohbah!? Regretably, killing them was beyond my skill, so I made them go away by clicking "Ragdoll Story" behind them. And guess what? Boohbahs don't have a story! Is Ragdoll to ashamed to mention them like I thought the "Clay" person was? Did I go to the wrong site again? On the right side of a page, I saw an option called "Ragdoll Around the Globe". Intrigued, I clicked.

If Ragdoll wants to keep Project Boohbah secret, it makes no secret of its plans for world domination.

Teletubbies has been sold to 84 broadcasters in 61 countries and has been translated into 35 difference languages.

That's right. 35 difference languages. (In case this confuses you, "35 difference languages" means it's translated to 35 difference languages, and none of the 35 are same!) And 120 countries can pick up Teletubby signals! Let's assume for a moment that Teletubbies is a terrorist organization, and it costs $1 billion to purge a country of Teletubbies. Bill Gates couldn't even do it! Is it too late to stop their spread? Will Boohbahs ride the Teletubbies to the world's tellys, and then dispose of them? Do we have a huge-scale frightening-children's-show gang war on our hands?!

It pains me to say it, but I'm not finished. The site has some news about Boohbahs. Apparently Ragdoll isn't afraid to gloat about their insane power. Boohbahs were created April 2003, and they already have had three merchandise signings and are on two channels!

Ragdoll publishes an online newsletter twice a year, called "The Rag". I tried to read the Spring 2003 edition, but it was a .pdf file and my weak modem connection couldn't handle it. Devious buggers. The current issue, however, has more than enough to say about Boohbahs. In recent months in seems, an 8-minute segment called "Look What I Can DO!" was added to the American version. More quoting:

"Look What I Can DO!" encourages children to develop their existing love of activity and joy in their own physical possibilities. Four year olds especially have become competent movers and more sophisticated thinkers and Boohbah's success in capturing these qualities is what makes the programme so special.
Watching children dancing about in front of the TV screen whenever Boohbah is shown is one of the many joys of Ragdoll's response gathering team, whose work with children contributed so much to the creation of this unique programme.
Boohbah certainly makes nonsense of the idea that TV viewing is a totally sedentary experience. Boohbah and Ragdoll together mean ACTION.

Remember that quote about encourgaing physical action? See how "DO" and "Action" are capitalized? Notice how Ragdoll gets joy out kids in "action"? Isn't their intention obvious by now?

They plan to take over the world with an army of children in ACTION! (That's exactly what they plan to DO!) Will the world be able to sustain the combined might of Teletubbies and an army of children, or the massacre that begins when Boohbahs and Teletubbies realize the world isn't big enough for both of them?

We must act before it's too late! Donate to your anti-Boohbah organization today! Or, if you can't find you local Anti-Boohbah organization, just send your donation to me and I'll forward it to them. We are in this together.