Have you been paying attention to pop culture lately?

If so, lord have mercy on your soul. You see, pop culture is controlled by the taste of the masses, and over the years the masses have shown themselves to have very bad taste. For example, think of the history of presidency, or consider the music charts. The ones that show Hilary Duff on top.

"How," you may be wondering, "did a fifteen-year-old girl outsell every current artists, including those who have 'been hit wit few shells but i don't walk wit a limp', or who have 'got more fours, fives and nines than a deck of cards'?" So what if she has her own television show and stars in a couple of movies?

As for Reid and I, we think Hilary Duff is more than she seems. There's no way she could have gotten so popular without huge media connections. And those connections are obvious if you know where to look for them:

"What," you now ask, "does the ilustrious Weekly World News have to do with Hilary Duff?" Take a closer look. I'll give you a moment to think about it.

If you haven't realized it yet, you are looking at Hilary Duff. It all makes perfect sense. They get Hilary "Bat Boy" Duff (or occasionally, Bat "Hilary Duff" Boy) once and a while to gnaw an authority figure trying to catch her, or to save the president from a terrorist, and in exchange, she becomes a pop culture icon. She puts a mask on, grabs a purse, and goes to record a song or a movie or something. It's a pretty good plan, but sometimes she can't keep in her bat nature.

Fig 1.1 Hilary Duff. Fig 1.2 The same.

Why the public hasn't been informed of this yet, I can't be sure. Maybe Bat Boy had to keep the appearances of being mysterious and dangerous. Thanks to us, however, from now on we all know where Bat Boy really is when he's supposed to be vacationing in Bermuda with Elvis.

Apoligies to Weekly World News for ruining their nastly little secret, and special thanks to Hilary Duff for not suing me for libel.