Curtian rises, showing a dark nalley. The moon is full and low in the sky. Next to the alley is the sign "Ye Olde Clubbe", and lights are flickering in the windows of the Clubbe. [Enter MC Leon, left stage]

MC Leon: Alas, 'tis a lovely night in the hood. I would bequeath my home dawg Pernardio to arrive quickly, but I cannot, for he ain't here!

[Enter Pernardio left stage, riding a coach with a team of four horses]

MC Leon: Wassup, brotha?

Pernardio: Good morrow. We must hasten; my team was exhausted during the drive-by and I believe they suspect me.[Jumps down from coach]

MC Leon [gasps]: Dreadful! This may hinder our plans! Did thou blast all the West Siders?

Pernardio: Nay, but the selected targets all got waxed with shells from this nine of mine. But enough dilly-dallyinf. I jacked some Clubbe Memberships. [spreads the cards out in his hand] Art thou ready?

MC Leon: Thou don't even have to ax. Show the way.

[Pernardio and MC Leon ghetto swagga into Ye Olde Clubbe]

Scene II

The room glows with a golden light. DJ CJ plays "Shake Thy Arse" and a few couples wearing ballroom dresses and inane tights dance. Barkeep Phat washes the bar with a rag. Cop Matorio sits at a table. A bouncer guards the door. [Enter MC Leon and Pernardio]

Bouncer: And who art thou to come in unannounced?

[Pernardio and MC Leon flash their membership cards]
Pernardio: Dawg, we just here for the ale.[Pernardio goes to order bottles of champagne while MC Leon sits at the table with Cop Matorio]

Cop Matorio: 'Sup, MC?

MC Leon: Enough with the formalities; this is how it be. Pernardio over there blasted the wankstas from the West Side--

Cop Matorio [loudly]: Yeuh! South Siiiide!

MC Leon: Still thy tongue! We know not where the spies are. Some of the new blood from the West Side got loose. They are expected to come here--after all, this they's club--so I'm gonna set up the jump, and the rest of the task shall be thine.

Cop Matorio: Ye, aight.

[spotlights shift to the bar]
Pernardio: I say, barkeep, this some good bub. Where you get this stuff?

Barkeep Phat [proudly]: Master Cool Papa Edmund IV gives me a fresh brew each month.

Pernardio [to himself]: Lord Master Cool Papa Edmund IV of Netherwood, grand gangsta of the West Side, supplies this place? Lord have mercy; we are truly deep in enemy territory.

MC Leon [grabbing a barstool]: Cop Matorio has went outside for a blunt. Perhaps we should join him after a while. Barkeep, a barrel of pale ale!

Pernardio [to himself]: It seems my dawg here has chosen to ambush the West Siders as they rally here. Why must we harry them so? Have we not all suffered enough at the hands of our old companion Death? The feud draws to a end, yet I fail to see how one hood is better than another, or how we can blast one outsider thug and put up with the thug close to home. I only hope I can change MC Leon from his South Side views before it's too late.

MC Leon [drunkenly]: You musta bled them West Side suckas real good, dawg! Here, I left a little ale in this barrel for you.

Barkeep Phat: You's in with a plot against the West Side? [pulls out pistols and aims them at MC Leon]

MC Leon: What you think you doin, sir? I ain't got no money!

Barkeep Phat: Business is business. [blasts MC Leon; music stops and people stop dancing to watch]

Pernardio: Nooo! Leon! [kneels over him]

MC Leon: When I die, don't cry for me... Just keep reppin' South Side for me... [dies]

Pernardio: When you bleed one of us, we bleed all of you! [runs past the bouncer, who doesn't try to stop him]

Barkeep Phat: They were good lads, both of them... I fear these ripples of death will become waves, and these waves hurricanes...