So I went to this play-like thing called "The Judgement", put on by a local Baptist church. It was set up on the fairgrounds, although how they got the city to let them use the grounds I'll never know.

The play was basically about a family that crashed in an airplane (as we all know happens all the time) and went on into the afterlife. Rather than being a traditional play, where they would dim the lights between scenes and change the setting, each room was a different set. For example, in one room you would see the people boarding a plane, and in the next room you would see them all dying, etc. There was a different set of actors for each room, and to their credit it was hard to tell sometimes, but often I was left wondering who these people are and why they suddenly came into the play.

The trip as a whole was very educational for me. Your viewing pleasure, and to save you the trouble of going to see it next year, I've made this list of fifteen things I learned from it.

'Cuz that's the way it be.

1. You can hire a crop duster at an airport if you miss your flight.
2. Praying before you go on a flight won't stop you from crashing.
3. After a fatal crash, people have a few lines of blood on them.
4. In a hospital, the patient's pulse rate is displayed on a laptop computer.
5. There is a soundproof window between an emergency room and the family members of the patient, so the nurses don't have to hear the bloody loud screams.
6. Little angel children escort people to the gates of Heaven and push people into Hell.
7. You can go to Hell for being a Christian but not taking God seriously.
8. In Hell, there are, in this order: a homecoming queen, a church choir member, and an evolutionist.
9. Evolution is Satan's greatest lie, since it has deceived so many.
10. Demons wear black cloaks that cover their whole bodies, but the Devil has orange lining his hood.
11. Demons have nothing better to do but push people in Hell and make them fall down.
12. They play country music in Heaven.
13. Jesus crowns people who enter Heaven; they respond with "Thank'ee, Jesus".
14. Jesus's throne has babies crawling about it.
15. All angels are female; men just sort of disappear when the reach heaven.

For ten extra points: Put together the first letter of each item and unscramble it to spell "JAY YEILD TAP IT DJ"!