"Order! This court will come to order!" The judge's hammer crashed against the table four times.

"But, your honor, the court already is in order. I mean, look at them," the court stenographer said, gesturing to everyone seated in front of the judge. "Each team member is wearing thame color, and the audience is arranged by height! How much more order could you want?"

"There will be enough order when I say there will be enough order, and not before. Now, whose turn is it?"

"I'd hate to be the one to inform you, but court isn't just a game, your honor," the stenographer started to explain.

"Yes it is. They pick teams and--"

"Nevermind that. What's important is how you're going to break your desk again if you keep hitting it with your sledgehammer, and I won't be paying for a new one this time. Why can't you just get a wooden gavel like the other judges?" complained the stenographer.

"I'm a judge! I don't have time for this! I declare it the attacking lawyer's turn!" the judge said, and then hid his dest with the hammer again just for effect.

The plaintiff's lawyer stood up and immediately began pacing around the room. "Your honor, as you can see, my client is missing both arms. This is for no reason other than the fact that my client was brutally assaulted by the defendant with a chainsaw three years ago. In the defendant's house, we found the skeletal arms of my cliend being used as hat racks. This monster also--"

"Objection!" called the defense barrister. "The plaintiff's lawyer is saying mean things about my client."

"Sustained," declared the judge. "You know the rules. Five points off the offense's score.

The prosecuting lawyer continued: "The right-honorable gentleman also carved his initials into my client's forehead, as you can obviously see. We have seven eye-witnesses to the right-honorable glentleman's chainsaw attack, and we have gotten confessions from the right-honorable gentleman on three different occasions. Basically, we already have everything we need to give the right-honorable gentleman at least one life-term. Now, I'll let the defense say their bit." The lawyer finished with this as he stopped pacing and sat down.

"I will tell you when the defense can say their bit!" the judge thundered. "Defense, say your bit."

The defense barrister stood up and walked forward. "My colleague has said that he is ready to prove my client is innocent," the barrister spoke eagerly. "Your honor, do you--"

"Objection!" objected the prosecuting lawyer. "The defense barrister is ugly!"

"Well, everyone knew that," said the judge. "Keep your objections valid."

"I'm objecting to the defense lawyer's face! I request that it be removed from the premises."

"A cunning trick," said the defense barrister respectfully, taking a line from the Thundercats. "Your honor, I could simply cover my face."

"Then see to it!" the judge barked.

The barrister slid his gray court wig over his face and tied it on with a string. "As I was saying, your honor, do you believe my client is guilty or innocent?"

After giving it some thought, the judge said, "I don't think the rules allow me to tell you."

"That's alright, because I already know the answer," said the barrister. "You know that my client is innocent until proven guilty, and therefore, you know my client is innocent. There's really no point for this trial to continue."

"But the prosecution claims to be able to prove guilt," the judge reminded the barrister.

"But the prosecution has not yet proven guilt, and since my client has been proven innocent by the 'innocent until proven guilty' doctrine, there is no need for them to prove guilt."

"You have a point," admitted the judge. "Okay, victory by technical knockout on the first round goes to defense. Case dismissed."