Every day when Rufus woke up, it was there. It was there when he went to work, and often even when he came back from work. It never took the holidays off. He couldn't remember a single day without it. It kept his enemies alve, hurt his eyes, tried to give him cancer. He always missed whenever he struck at it, no matter how he tried. But today, Rufus finds himself on a quest. A

Mission Time 00:07:16: Rufus walks down the street. The sun was bright, brighter than the stars, or something else that's really bright.

A dude with a face walks by. "Hey, Rufus," he says. "It's pretty bright today." He's right.

"Hey, Guy Who Kills Rufus In The End." Guy Who Kills Rufus In The End always claimed the name was Aborigine for "beloved son". Sometimes, though, he said it meant "that dude who will cause the untimely and painful death of Rufus at the end of the story." He could never quite make up his mind about that.

"No time to talk," Rufus adds. "I'm plotting something."

"Plotting, eh? I do that all the time. Maybe I could help. What are you plotting?"

"I am plotting." He pauses for suspense.

Birds roost on the top of buildings. They too wished Rufus wasn't such a thicko.

"To block out the sun!" The birds go on their way, now bored with Rufus.

"So how are you going to do that, Rufus?" asks Guy Who Kills Rufus In The End.

"Poor Guy Who Kills Rufus In The End," Rufus sighs. "The world has much to teach you. I'll use sunblock, of course! Anyone could figure that out. Just think of the name! Sun Block! The name totally states its function!"

Guy Who Kills Rufus In The End stops smiling. "You know I'm going to kill you in the end, don't you?"

"No."

"Okay, then. Go buy the sunblock, and I'll meet you at The Bridge with my catapult, where we can launch it into the sun!"

Five Years Ago: Samuel took the chair in front of the crystal ball. Everything else in the room was too dark to be seen, except for the wizard Merlannus, whose robes glowed like a cheap toy found in the bottof of a cereal box.

"You bring harm to those you meet," Merlannus sneered.

"No, but I wish to. There is one that it is my destiny to kill."

"Rufus, eh?" Merlannus straightened up. "I can convene with the forces of nature and make it your destiny, if I had fifty quid to help me along the way."

"But I gave you fifty at the door!" Samuel lunged forward in his chair, ready to leave.

"The other fifty will be for legal fees, Merlannus explained sagely. "From now on, your name will be..."

Mission Time 00:28:03 The low morning sun sparkles against the wide river as Guy Who Kills Rufus In The End primes the catapult for launching. Rufus comes running, with a bag in hand.

"How much sunblock did you bring?"

"One. If I needed more, it would say so on the label, right?"

"Sure, sure. Just pour it into the chamber of the catapult. Then climb in and spread it all around." Rufus climbs in.

Guy Who Kills Rufus In The End walks over to the rope keeping the catpult from firing, and draws his knife. "Never again will I have to put up with your vile presence while you pretend nothing has happened! You, Rufus, hit my sister in the head with a rock while trying to throw it at the sun!" The knife falls. Upon the rope.

Rufus flies high into the clouds, then comes crashing down far into the river. A team of dophins catches him, and he turns into a merman and has many great adventures fighting crime. Guy Who Kills Rufus In The End is disappointed, but when he was Sammael, he ran over Merlannus's cat on the way to do business with him, and spiteful wizards don't always do what you want them too.