You know, people have always asked me, "Write the linear system represented by each augmented matrix. Solve the system." Well, truth be told, the only person who askes me this is my math teacher, and she never directly askes me, she just types it and gives the paper to me. She also gives several copies to other students in the class. Apparently she doesn't trust me to get the right answer if she has to give the same questions to so many other people. I take offense at that.

But there's one thing that really bugs me: it isn't a question. It's two statements phrased to seem rather bossy. This is a school, for Jeebus's sake! They're not supposed to call things what they so obviously aren't! It's like saying you're going to write about what Tuahan means and ranting instead about some unimportant fact about school, or something. Yes, something like that.

What?

Okau, for real now, the first time I used the name Tuahan was on a MUD called The Fires of Heaven*, based on a book called The Fires of Heaven. I was in a guild called the Red Hand, running along and killing stuff on my merry way, when the administrator summoned me and told me that I had to change my name because it looked too much like Tuahtha'an. I had it changed to Tarkan, which I didn't know meant a Hunnic raider, and neither did they. But they couldn't supress Tuahan forever.

At the beginning of the time that I used AOL, I decided to use a character name as my account name. (You have to admit, Keare or Yettan sounds better than TehZach3142683@aol.com.) Tuahan was the last name I tried, but by the hand of Lady Luck, the others were taken already (even though I made them up), so I got stuck with the glorious account of Tuahan.

Of course, by now Tuahan has come to mean the embodiment of all that is good in the universe, and one day the world will recognize the banner of Tuahan as their sovereign flag. My head will be on the dimes, of course; Reid can have the nickels.

If you want to use a search engine to find Tuahan, you would find that Tuahan is a word in what appears to be the Bible translated to some middle-eastern language, furthering my claim that Tuahan is the omnipotent force in the universe. Tuahan is also the last name of some guy in the Phillipines. If this is an omen, I don't know what it means.

So there's the long, boring history of Tuahan. Satisfied yet?

*I recently tried to find the Fires of Heaven MUD, and it seems to be permanently dead. I don't know what happened to it, but maybe you can find a shred of light.