- Superman Saving the Day
- Jehovah's Witnesses
- Soap Opera Goodness
- Solar Eclipse
- Flowers
So, I've been working. The county set up this system of summer jobs acting on the theory that anyone below 18 will, if not gainfully employed, get a job in the cocaine industry. To my dismay, I wasn't not "phat" or "def" with the "in slices", and while the other boys swallowed condoms filled with controlled substances, I was stuck here earning minimum wage.
Ordinarily, I would write about how my job was, but now, I don't want to bore you with the gruesomely dull details of my job. I can probably milk another update aout of that.
Today, I have a much more important matter at hand. You see, nothing happens at my job, so I've made a list of things that should happen. Enjoy.
"Eek!" the helpless civilian eeked. "The printer isn't printing the emails from my boyfriend! Help me! Help me somebody!"
Dun da don! Faster than a speeding truck, fiercer than a rabid duck, he can always make us smile, with tights that ne'er go out of style! Iiiit's Superman!
KAPOW! "Everything's under control, ma'am. Next time, just press 'print' instead of 'fax'. And those are the facts!"
"Ah ha ha ha! We love you, Superman!"
They would pull up to the door in their shiny blue car. They they would come in and say to the receptionist, "Hello, we're from the---" then they would be gunned down. Come on, make something happen!
"Sorry, boss, but it turns out that your secretary has a terminal disease... That makes her shoot random people."
"Oh my God, Why? Why my secretary?"
"You could say it's karma. Karma... for having the official's baby."
"But, but the official is engaged to me!"
Actually, nevermind. That would get really annoying really fast.
You know, from an astronomer's point of view, the sun can eclipse whenever it wants. Often, the sun eclipses to celebrate Independence Day, or to mourn for school shootings. So why, I ask, won't the sun eclipse when it sees me, sitting there, bored as a rock at a seniors' freestyle rap battle? Just as a gesture of friendliness?
Because the sun's a wanker, that's why.
Nobody ever sends me flowers at work. Doesn't anybody love me?